Anger Management Workshop Session #1
Today was the first day of our Anger Management Workshop. Our group met at 10am at Gracehaven to unlock the chapel and set up the materials at the venue. I have to admit I was a bit nervous, I didn't know what to expect and was a bit worried about what the residents might think of us.
Using Kolb's Experiential Learning Model, I will be reflecting on my greatest challenge and opportunity from each session.
Girls' Session - Greatest Challenge
Concrete Experiences
The 14 year old girls relatively clingy to one another and appeared to be 'too cool' to participate in our activities. When sharing about her emotions during 'Fishing for Emotions', my buddy gave short answers and didn't want to elaborate much despite prompting.
Reflective Observation
However, I also understood that it is not realistic to expect her to open up so quickly about her emotions and experiences. Furthermore, it was only our first session and we barely knew each other.
Abstract Conceptualisation
I realised that even I felt awkward and didn't know what to share. When I drew the emotion 'Scared', my brain went "Quick! What can I share that's personal but not too personal?" It really is difficult to be and no one wants to be vulnerable in a group setting, even more so with people you just met.
Active Experimentation
For a relationship to develop maturely, there is a need to incorporate conflicts and vulnerability in early and later development (Noam & Fischer, 1996). I realised that if we wanted the girls to be more open with sharing their feelings and personal stories with us, as volunteers, we had to be open to sharing too.
Girls' Session - Greatest Opportunity
Concrete Experiences
One of the girls used a vulgarity during the workshop and was called out for it by Kada. Kada explained the meaning of the word, how it could be hurtful to others and requested for an apology. The girl seemed taken aback by this, though sarcastically, apologised.
Reflective Observation
I thought that it was good that Kada actually called her out for using a vulgarity and explained her actions to everyone. Though it might have been embarrassing for her, but showing that we were strict and that this should be a safe space meant that her words should not have been condoned.
This also gave us another opportunity to reinforce our ground rules to 'be encouraging'.
Abstract Conceptualisation
I thought Kada handled it really well, especially since using vulgarities is a form of showing anger. We need to teach the residents think before they speak, and understand the consequences of their words and actions.
Calling out the resident for using a vulgarity could be a form of positive punishment, a form of cognitive behaviour therapy used to discourage negative behaviour and can be effective when applied consistently (Mcconnell, 1990).
Active Experimentation
Personally, I knew I wouldn't have called her out of it, because it didn't seem like that big of a deal, and that I didn't know how to go about explaining it. However, for it to be effective, as volunteers we should apply it consistently for all residents and volunteers as well.
This serves as a reminder me that as volunteers, we should also set a good example by ensuring that we don't use any vulgarities as well.
Boys' Session - Greatest Challenge
Concrete Experiences
The boys tend to give 'model answers' such as "Tell the counsellor." but Danial asked them, "Would you really tell the counsellor?" and the reply was "No." So we all had to brainstorm together, how would a teenager really react in a situation and what would be a realistic but helpful suggestion to give.
Reflective Observation
I realised that often, we all know the 'right' thing to do, but we don't actually do it because we could be driven by our emotions, pride and situations instead.
Abstract Conceptualisation
Eventually we came to the conclusion that the most important thing to do, is to first cool down and take some time to think and evaluate the situation again before choosing to act impulsively.
Active Experimentation
I feel that this can be applied to our everyday lives as well, whenever we get into a dispute with someone. For example, my initial reaction to someone shouting at me would be to shout back. However, that might actually spiral the unhappiness we have and not solve anything. It really is important to first cool down and evaluate the situation.
Boys' Session - Greatest Opportunity
Concrete Experiences
Our last game involved sharing about our 'Number 10' which is how we react when we are most angry with someone. Following which the question was, "How can we prevent ourselves from hitting our Number 10?"
Reflective Observation
This game personally got me thinking, what is my 'Number 10'? After thinking about it in depth, and hearing everyone share their own 'Number 10s', I realised we all express our utmost anger very differently.
The younger boys tend to react physically, such as really wanting to punch someone. But the older boys and us volunteers had a huge range of reactions, from using words to get a point across to taunting the other party, from crying and listening to music.
Abstract Conceptualisation
Everyone reacts to anger differently, and we need to be in touch with our own emotions to understand and learn to prevent it.
Active Experimentation
I personally discovered that my 'Number 10' is cutting the person out of my life entirely and that is not the best way to restore a relationship, especially if that person is important to me. And for me, the way to prevent reaching my 'Number 10' would be to think through all the good things the person has done for me, with my best interests at heart, to step in their shoes and re-evaluating my emotions before deciding.
(982 Words)
References:
Mcconnell, J. V. (1990). Negative Reinforcement and Positive Punishment. Teaching of Psychology, 17(4), 247–249. doi: 10.1207/s15328023top1704_10
Noam, G. G., & Fischer, K. W. (1996). Development and vulnerability in close relationships. Mahwah, NJ: L. Erlbaum.
Using Kolb's Experiential Learning Model, I will be reflecting on my greatest challenge and opportunity from each session.
Girls' Session - Greatest Challenge
Concrete Experiences
The 14 year old girls relatively clingy to one another and appeared to be 'too cool' to participate in our activities. When sharing about her emotions during 'Fishing for Emotions', my buddy gave short answers and didn't want to elaborate much despite prompting.
 |
| 'Fishing for Emotions' Activity |
Reflective Observation
However, I also understood that it is not realistic to expect her to open up so quickly about her emotions and experiences. Furthermore, it was only our first session and we barely knew each other.
Abstract Conceptualisation
I realised that even I felt awkward and didn't know what to share. When I drew the emotion 'Scared', my brain went "Quick! What can I share that's personal but not too personal?" It really is difficult to be and no one wants to be vulnerable in a group setting, even more so with people you just met.
Active Experimentation
For a relationship to develop maturely, there is a need to incorporate conflicts and vulnerability in early and later development (Noam & Fischer, 1996). I realised that if we wanted the girls to be more open with sharing their feelings and personal stories with us, as volunteers, we had to be open to sharing too.
Concrete Experiences
One of the girls used a vulgarity during the workshop and was called out for it by Kada. Kada explained the meaning of the word, how it could be hurtful to others and requested for an apology. The girl seemed taken aback by this, though sarcastically, apologised.
 |
| Ground rules for every session |
I thought that it was good that Kada actually called her out for using a vulgarity and explained her actions to everyone. Though it might have been embarrassing for her, but showing that we were strict and that this should be a safe space meant that her words should not have been condoned.
This also gave us another opportunity to reinforce our ground rules to 'be encouraging'.
Abstract Conceptualisation
I thought Kada handled it really well, especially since using vulgarities is a form of showing anger. We need to teach the residents think before they speak, and understand the consequences of their words and actions.
Calling out the resident for using a vulgarity could be a form of positive punishment, a form of cognitive behaviour therapy used to discourage negative behaviour and can be effective when applied consistently (Mcconnell, 1990).
Active Experimentation
Personally, I knew I wouldn't have called her out of it, because it didn't seem like that big of a deal, and that I didn't know how to go about explaining it. However, for it to be effective, as volunteers we should apply it consistently for all residents and volunteers as well.
This serves as a reminder me that as volunteers, we should also set a good example by ensuring that we don't use any vulgarities as well.
Boys' Session - Greatest Challenge
Concrete Experiences
The boys tend to give 'model answers' such as "Tell the counsellor." but Danial asked them, "Would you really tell the counsellor?" and the reply was "No." So we all had to brainstorm together, how would a teenager really react in a situation and what would be a realistic but helpful suggestion to give.
Reflective Observation
I realised that often, we all know the 'right' thing to do, but we don't actually do it because we could be driven by our emotions, pride and situations instead.
Abstract Conceptualisation
Eventually we came to the conclusion that the most important thing to do, is to first cool down and take some time to think and evaluate the situation again before choosing to act impulsively.
Active Experimentation
I feel that this can be applied to our everyday lives as well, whenever we get into a dispute with someone. For example, my initial reaction to someone shouting at me would be to shout back. However, that might actually spiral the unhappiness we have and not solve anything. It really is important to first cool down and evaluate the situation.
Boys' Session - Greatest Opportunity
Concrete Experiences
Our last game involved sharing about our 'Number 10' which is how we react when we are most angry with someone. Following which the question was, "How can we prevent ourselves from hitting our Number 10?"
Reflective Observation
This game personally got me thinking, what is my 'Number 10'? After thinking about it in depth, and hearing everyone share their own 'Number 10s', I realised we all express our utmost anger very differently.
The younger boys tend to react physically, such as really wanting to punch someone. But the older boys and us volunteers had a huge range of reactions, from using words to get a point across to taunting the other party, from crying and listening to music.
Abstract Conceptualisation
Everyone reacts to anger differently, and we need to be in touch with our own emotions to understand and learn to prevent it.
Active Experimentation
I personally discovered that my 'Number 10' is cutting the person out of my life entirely and that is not the best way to restore a relationship, especially if that person is important to me. And for me, the way to prevent reaching my 'Number 10' would be to think through all the good things the person has done for me, with my best interests at heart, to step in their shoes and re-evaluating my emotions before deciding.
(982 Words)
References:
Mcconnell, J. V. (1990). Negative Reinforcement and Positive Punishment. Teaching of Psychology, 17(4), 247–249. doi: 10.1207/s15328023top1704_10
Noam, G. G., & Fischer, K. W. (1996). Development and vulnerability in close relationships. Mahwah, NJ: L. Erlbaum.
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